Really great analogy! I relate on all the levels you describe except for great friends. That has been a challenge to find supportive relationships beyond my therapist and my dog, but I soldier on, have a good cry, do all the things that help keep my bucket from the danger zone. Who knew getting sober was the easy part? Emotional sobriety has been kicking my ass but I’m fighting back because I had the first glimmer of hope that maybe it’s not that there’s anything so wrong with me, it’s my messed up attachment style that I have to relearn and high sensitivity that so have to manage in this very harsh world. Phew! Good to know there are others out there healing and sharing. It helps immensely for the connection part of things. Thank you!
Hi Jennifer, I'm with you in struggling with the social complications of high sensitivity - I don't think the social interaction that simply feeds me really exists (maybe with my sister, but that's not something I can really duplicate with anyone else). It's always a balance between how much I gain and have to give to connect, even with those I feel closest to. I'm doing a lot of curating of my friendships right now - it's not worth doing anything social that takes more from me than it gives, but that does mean letting go of some, maybe many, relationships and things I used to do (though tbh, I haven't been able to do a lot of them for a while anyway, just now realizing why). Are there any kinds of social interactions that feel like they might feed you, even a little bit, now?
Thank you for sharing this Jennifer. I'm feeling you on the struggle with supportive relationships, it can be so incredibly hard (and frustrating!) Really only in the last few years has this finally blossomed for me, as a whole range of things have finally coalesced. I love hearing the "maybe it's not that there's anything wrong with me" piece, but instead just some parts to visit and relearn and get curious about. That was 100% the case with me, I first had to build a ton of self-compassion and understanding, then build on that foundation. So cool to hear about you doing the work, as hard as it is.
Heya Patrick - love the greater bucket ecosystem 😆
How do you see the relationship between the overwhelm from doing too much, slowing down, and full freeze? I think if I were to try to diagram my relationship between those states, the overwhelm would be in some sort of cycle with the other two, though I still don't know where to consistently find that just right balance for myself... Maybe in the middle of some sort of waveform diagram?
Appreciate your perspectives as always - more later...
Yeah I think I came up with the bucket metaphor when I really came to realize that I have to have a constant, steady, influx of good stuff in my life to keep myself regulated. If I do one really good thing, then nothing for days after, I end up oscillating from really good to really struggling, with no equilibrium.
And maybe to even further mutate my monster of a metaphor, when I'm in swinging back and forth between overwhelm and freeze, I'm often kicking my own bucket and knocking a lot out of it, so the levels are flying all over the place? I dunno, what you're bringing up may not fully fit into this, but I definitely think of it a lot. I think for now I'm just constantly coming back to the importance of consistency, and even if something really unexpected happens, still coming back to consistency as quickly as I can manage, instead of it being a start to a really destabilizing period.
Oh...I think that would be beneficial for me to pay attention to, the steady pace of good things - whatever that might mean on any individual day... I think I still tend to focus on getting things done being the positive, but it's just as often the stress - have to refocus on the feelings (again) to know what's actually good
What a wonderful analogy, I love it! There are moments that I forget about filling my bucket. Forgiving myself and continuing with the healing is the only way to go. I'm happy that you're out there, connecting to people who need it.
Thank you! Totally agree on the importance of forgiving yourself. I think for a long time I was stuck in a place of letting my bucket go to empty, heaping blame myself for that, and thus having a much harder time actually refilling it.
Really great analogy! I relate on all the levels you describe except for great friends. That has been a challenge to find supportive relationships beyond my therapist and my dog, but I soldier on, have a good cry, do all the things that help keep my bucket from the danger zone. Who knew getting sober was the easy part? Emotional sobriety has been kicking my ass but I’m fighting back because I had the first glimmer of hope that maybe it’s not that there’s anything so wrong with me, it’s my messed up attachment style that I have to relearn and high sensitivity that so have to manage in this very harsh world. Phew! Good to know there are others out there healing and sharing. It helps immensely for the connection part of things. Thank you!
Hi Jennifer, I'm with you in struggling with the social complications of high sensitivity - I don't think the social interaction that simply feeds me really exists (maybe with my sister, but that's not something I can really duplicate with anyone else). It's always a balance between how much I gain and have to give to connect, even with those I feel closest to. I'm doing a lot of curating of my friendships right now - it's not worth doing anything social that takes more from me than it gives, but that does mean letting go of some, maybe many, relationships and things I used to do (though tbh, I haven't been able to do a lot of them for a while anyway, just now realizing why). Are there any kinds of social interactions that feel like they might feed you, even a little bit, now?
Thank you for sharing this Jennifer. I'm feeling you on the struggle with supportive relationships, it can be so incredibly hard (and frustrating!) Really only in the last few years has this finally blossomed for me, as a whole range of things have finally coalesced. I love hearing the "maybe it's not that there's anything wrong with me" piece, but instead just some parts to visit and relearn and get curious about. That was 100% the case with me, I first had to build a ton of self-compassion and understanding, then build on that foundation. So cool to hear about you doing the work, as hard as it is.
Thanks for this very useful metaphor!
Heya Patrick - love the greater bucket ecosystem 😆
How do you see the relationship between the overwhelm from doing too much, slowing down, and full freeze? I think if I were to try to diagram my relationship between those states, the overwhelm would be in some sort of cycle with the other two, though I still don't know where to consistently find that just right balance for myself... Maybe in the middle of some sort of waveform diagram?
Appreciate your perspectives as always - more later...
Yeah I think I came up with the bucket metaphor when I really came to realize that I have to have a constant, steady, influx of good stuff in my life to keep myself regulated. If I do one really good thing, then nothing for days after, I end up oscillating from really good to really struggling, with no equilibrium.
And maybe to even further mutate my monster of a metaphor, when I'm in swinging back and forth between overwhelm and freeze, I'm often kicking my own bucket and knocking a lot out of it, so the levels are flying all over the place? I dunno, what you're bringing up may not fully fit into this, but I definitely think of it a lot. I think for now I'm just constantly coming back to the importance of consistency, and even if something really unexpected happens, still coming back to consistency as quickly as I can manage, instead of it being a start to a really destabilizing period.
Oh...I think that would be beneficial for me to pay attention to, the steady pace of good things - whatever that might mean on any individual day... I think I still tend to focus on getting things done being the positive, but it's just as often the stress - have to refocus on the feelings (again) to know what's actually good
Thanks, Patrick 💛
What a wonderful analogy, I love it! There are moments that I forget about filling my bucket. Forgiving myself and continuing with the healing is the only way to go. I'm happy that you're out there, connecting to people who need it.
Thank you! Totally agree on the importance of forgiving yourself. I think for a long time I was stuck in a place of letting my bucket go to empty, heaping blame myself for that, and thus having a much harder time actually refilling it.
Oh god, so true, and so funny Patrick. I'll keep reading.