That's a really good thing to stay mindful of. I've done a horrible job of staying mindful of that in the past, and tend to push myself into burnout territory too often with work. The funny thing about that - and I wonder how general this is -- going beyond my edge in this way leads to all kinds of unintended consquences (emotional burnout, physical and mental fatigue, irritation at the task) that inherently pulls that edge back. Soon, what was well-within your comfort zone before is inaccessible to you. Meaning, in the long run, staying in the edge, but not beyond it, is really the optimal place. Pushing beyond pushes back :)
Yeah, I totally relate to that side of going beyond your edge. There are a lot of potential downsides, both immediate and long term. That risk of snapping the rubber band, if you will. Feels just like going to the gym - I want to push, but if I overdo it, I'm gonna injure myself, and then be in a state of not being able to go to the gym at all for weeks or even months. Way better to make constant incremental progress then trying to push way too hard and get that push back.
Hmm...I'm having kind of a complicated reaction for this one. On one hand, I think balance sounds like a great principle - and it is something I strive for, but it's got to be 100% my own internal balance, not balancing my expectations against expectations that come from outside of me - societal messages, or even what I see other people doing. Of course, there are external requirements that have real consequences (have to pay the mortgage if I want to keep my house), but anything that that I push myself to do because I "should" be doing it in any way, rather than doing it because it truly connects to what want to do (I do want to keep my house), ultimately adds to my stress and overwhelm, moving me closer to a freeze rather that further away.
This is demand avoidance, and it's something that's got to be worked more gently around than pushed through head-on - tough love is counterproductive and can even be damaging. (My nephew also strongly demonstrated this when he was young, with lots of resistance around eating and going to bed. I think I'll always regret that I tried to apply the "you just have to do it" thinking to him once when I was babysitting, and ended up driving him screaming under the crib instead. =/ ) For me, it is much more productive to feel around to find different ways to do what's needed that feel more possible for me, which usually means they align better with what I actually want. I think that's the edge zone for me, and pushing through is the danger zone....
Thanks for sharing this Ann, I appreciate hearing the nuance around how this landed for you. I think I generally totally agree. Pushing through head-on so often has the potential for real harm (right into the danger zone, as you say), where as if I can take a breath, check in with myself, and see what my options are at any given moment, I'm way more likely to find the right way for me to proceed.
I also definitely agree that personal authenticity is so key here, and absolutely should be taken into account when figuring out where you edge is. So often for me, I start responding to someone, or start sharing something with them, just because I think I must (because they asked!) - and through checking in on my edge I can find I actually have no desire to share so deeply, and can back off accordingly.
I wish I had explored this more in the article, but I'd say that 90% of the time I only think about my edge when it comes to relating with other people, and how vulnerable I want to be with them. I think I find it most valuable in that context, and less so when it comes to how I relate to myself. I don't think the ideas aren't relevant around personal productivity, but for whatever reason I haven't used it as much in that area.
But all in all, I just want to reinforce that whatever your edge is on something should be specific to you, in that moment. Only you know where those danger and comfort zones are, and what leaning into the edge between them might look like.
For sure - it's interesting that you think about this mostly in the interpersonal realm, and while I do find it helpful there, I took it straight to productivity. It would probably be fair to say that's where most of my struggles have been, so guess that tracks... 😄
I like the phrase “the edge”. For the longest time I thought there were just two: comfort zone and growth / stretch zone (which you call the edge here). I thought any level of discomfort was “good” because it meant I was getting out of my comfort zone. The addition of the danger zone was so helpful for me too, to know that there’s an upper bound. It acts like a gentle reminder to not push too hard. Thanks for sharing this!
Yes! I also really like that if I feel like something is too hard, I can play around with ways of reducing the amount of difficulty (or vulnerability) involved, thus finding where my edge is. Allows me to still engage without pushing too much. I've also found myself in the middle of a conversation realizing that I'm starting to approach my edge (often just from running out of energy) - seems to really help me to adjust how I'm showing up in the moment, instead of just regretting how vulnerable I was (or wasn't) later on.
I think this strategy can be part of a bigger growing framework, and measure your edge in everything could be exhausting. I suggest focusing on your priority and work on your edge while being able to get closer to your goals.
That's a really good thing to stay mindful of. I've done a horrible job of staying mindful of that in the past, and tend to push myself into burnout territory too often with work. The funny thing about that - and I wonder how general this is -- going beyond my edge in this way leads to all kinds of unintended consquences (emotional burnout, physical and mental fatigue, irritation at the task) that inherently pulls that edge back. Soon, what was well-within your comfort zone before is inaccessible to you. Meaning, in the long run, staying in the edge, but not beyond it, is really the optimal place. Pushing beyond pushes back :)
Yeah, I totally relate to that side of going beyond your edge. There are a lot of potential downsides, both immediate and long term. That risk of snapping the rubber band, if you will. Feels just like going to the gym - I want to push, but if I overdo it, I'm gonna injure myself, and then be in a state of not being able to go to the gym at all for weeks or even months. Way better to make constant incremental progress then trying to push way too hard and get that push back.
Hmm...I'm having kind of a complicated reaction for this one. On one hand, I think balance sounds like a great principle - and it is something I strive for, but it's got to be 100% my own internal balance, not balancing my expectations against expectations that come from outside of me - societal messages, or even what I see other people doing. Of course, there are external requirements that have real consequences (have to pay the mortgage if I want to keep my house), but anything that that I push myself to do because I "should" be doing it in any way, rather than doing it because it truly connects to what want to do (I do want to keep my house), ultimately adds to my stress and overwhelm, moving me closer to a freeze rather that further away.
This is demand avoidance, and it's something that's got to be worked more gently around than pushed through head-on - tough love is counterproductive and can even be damaging. (My nephew also strongly demonstrated this when he was young, with lots of resistance around eating and going to bed. I think I'll always regret that I tried to apply the "you just have to do it" thinking to him once when I was babysitting, and ended up driving him screaming under the crib instead. =/ ) For me, it is much more productive to feel around to find different ways to do what's needed that feel more possible for me, which usually means they align better with what I actually want. I think that's the edge zone for me, and pushing through is the danger zone....
Thanks for sharing this Ann, I appreciate hearing the nuance around how this landed for you. I think I generally totally agree. Pushing through head-on so often has the potential for real harm (right into the danger zone, as you say), where as if I can take a breath, check in with myself, and see what my options are at any given moment, I'm way more likely to find the right way for me to proceed.
I also definitely agree that personal authenticity is so key here, and absolutely should be taken into account when figuring out where you edge is. So often for me, I start responding to someone, or start sharing something with them, just because I think I must (because they asked!) - and through checking in on my edge I can find I actually have no desire to share so deeply, and can back off accordingly.
I wish I had explored this more in the article, but I'd say that 90% of the time I only think about my edge when it comes to relating with other people, and how vulnerable I want to be with them. I think I find it most valuable in that context, and less so when it comes to how I relate to myself. I don't think the ideas aren't relevant around personal productivity, but for whatever reason I haven't used it as much in that area.
But all in all, I just want to reinforce that whatever your edge is on something should be specific to you, in that moment. Only you know where those danger and comfort zones are, and what leaning into the edge between them might look like.
For sure - it's interesting that you think about this mostly in the interpersonal realm, and while I do find it helpful there, I took it straight to productivity. It would probably be fair to say that's where most of my struggles have been, so guess that tracks... 😄
I like the phrase “the edge”. For the longest time I thought there were just two: comfort zone and growth / stretch zone (which you call the edge here). I thought any level of discomfort was “good” because it meant I was getting out of my comfort zone. The addition of the danger zone was so helpful for me too, to know that there’s an upper bound. It acts like a gentle reminder to not push too hard. Thanks for sharing this!
Definitely, Hanna - the whole 'no pain no gain' mindset doesn't really offer an edge zone... 🫤
Yes! I also really like that if I feel like something is too hard, I can play around with ways of reducing the amount of difficulty (or vulnerability) involved, thus finding where my edge is. Allows me to still engage without pushing too much. I've also found myself in the middle of a conversation realizing that I'm starting to approach my edge (often just from running out of energy) - seems to really help me to adjust how I'm showing up in the moment, instead of just regretting how vulnerable I was (or wasn't) later on.
I love how you’re able to notice and adjust in the moment!
Thank you! Yeah that took a lot of practice, but man it feels like a super power when I'm able to do it (and I'm not always able to).
I think this strategy can be part of a bigger growing framework, and measure your edge in everything could be exhausting. I suggest focusing on your priority and work on your edge while being able to get closer to your goals.